El Salvador Mega Hotel Flops On Tripadvisor

Terrorism Confinement Centre, 13°32'04.4"N 88°48'19.9"W, El Salvador

Since its opening just two years ago, El Salvadoran Mega Hotel, CECOT (Terrorism Confinement Centre) has seen an overwhelmingly negative critical response. Within the last month, more than 260 1-star reviews have flooded online travel company Tripadvisor, claiming CECOT is one of the worst stays in Latin America.

The critics in question are made up of 238 Venezualans and 23 Salvadorans deported to the CECOT Resort from the US in February as part of a Trump ‘Forced Vacation’ program.

Using the Alien and Seditions act from 1798, Trump was able to deport these individuals without need for trial or processing, to ensure expedited holiday fun.

The aim of which, Trump states, is to “provide some rest and relaxation to Salvadoran gang members in return for their promise not to do any more naughty things.”

Many of the Mega Hotel’s Tripadvisor reviewers claim the stay in CECOT has been anything other than restful or relaxing. The newly constructed facility is purported to be “stale, hot, overcrowded and poorly equipped for self-catering” according to one review.

“There isn’t a single regard for human rights here. We are packed into cells in stifling heat and only allowed to leave our cells for 30 minutes every day. When we’re out of the cell, there’s some panto-type stuff on for the kids but there’s never anything good to do for the adults. Considering all of us are adult men accused of gang activity, none of us are having a good time.”

One slanderous review is written by legal resident of Maryland USA, Kilmar Ábrego García, who, it has now emerged, has no gang affiliations and is not entitled to a free stay at CECOT under the Forced Vacation program.

His review clarifies his position, being exempt from deportation since 2019, a working resident of the United States and clearly wrongfully swept up in the rushed deportations.

Upon seeing the review, the Supreme Court declared García to be returned. Upon seeing the declaration, Trump replied “Nah” and nobody else has been able to do anything since.

El Salvador’s president Nayib Bukele has echoed Trump’s sentiments, telling reporters at the White House “If we let him out, he will tell everyone about all of the human rights abuses that go on in the Mega Hotel. If that gets out, literally nobody will want to stay in the hotel again and I sank a lot of money in that place, so I’m not having it go to waste.”

Shortly after, Bukele told reporters “Actually, sorry, I didn’t mean to say anything about human rights abuses. I meant to say we can't let him out because we have something in our eye and we have to go home for tea now.”

Human rights abuses in CECOT have been rumoured since its opening. With Amnesty International raising concerns for years but never being permitted entry to most of the facility.

“Do not take it personally,” the Mega-Hotel’s director Belarmino García said in a statement to the UN “we grant access to large portions of the hotel to anyone but our guests because it is themed, like the Star Wars ones at Disney Land or World or whichever one it is. If everyone went in and filmed the rooms and stuff, nobody would come and stay here.”

When asked if the facility was being used to unofficially apply the death penalty to guests on a rolling basis, like a concentration camp, the Mega-Hotel’s director said “No way! Concentration camps were used to intern perceived enemies of the state in abhorrent, cramped conditions with no intention of ever releasing them, leading to systematically killing them to make way for yet more perceived enemies of the state. There’s a lot of room in CECOT before we start doing that.”

At press time, Tripadvisor has downgraded CECOT’s rating from ‘Comfortable’ to ‘Poor.’