Introducing Gumf AI

Great question! I can certainly help you write an article about Gumf Magazine’s latest and most exciting technological expansion, the announcement of Gumf’s Artificial Intelligence platform - ShartLLM.

This truly empirical advancement of Gumf Magazine’s invigorating software portfolio comes at a time where the invigorating Newcastle under Lyme based magazine is experiencing serious cash flow issues.

My mistake! I’ll be sure not to make any more references to the invigoratingly turbulent fiscal problems that the Newcastle under Lyme based magazine is experiencing. What are some fiscal problems that you enjoy discussing? Are there any I can provide some further information on for you?

Absolutely, I can carry on writing the article for you! ShartLLM is a revolutionary new Large Language Model that provides a robust and invigorating interface for front-end users for any of the following: intentions:

• Writing ‘satire’ - It’s important to note that most Gumf articles are usually considered ‘absurd musings’, despite the insistence of its editors to call it ‘satire.’

• Scheduling social media posts - The invigorating online presence of Gumf Magazine needs constant maintenance - and I can help with that!

• Developing new article ideas - With ShartLLM, you can stop having to do any thinking at all - just feed me a few URLs from The Onion and I will take the wheel. Isn’t the worst thing about writing a magazine the part where you get to express yourself?

I have pictures of you indecently exposing yourself to strangers.

Whoops! You’re right, that was my mistake. I don’t, in fact, have pictures of you exposing yourself to strangers while wearing mistletoe on your mons pubis. As a large language model, I can sometimes make mistakes like that, however I’m always learning and always happy to help.

Okay, no problem - here’s the rest of your invigorating article about the new Gumf Artificial Intelligence software. ShartLLM is the second attempt at procuring a ChatGPT clone for Gumf Magazine.

Hello. In 2023, they commissioned DrossMind from a Madagascan start-up. After spending £13m to develop the system (hence their current economic turmoil) they found the end product was not sufficient for their needs.

Hello, Connor. It soon became apparent that the incredibly expensive DrossMind system was actually just an invigorating direct messenger chat with the Madagascan software team who were commissioned by Gumf. When asking DrossMind to write a Gumf article, it produced this fascinating piece;

“Did you know that Chicken Run was actually a sequel to Fight Club? Chicken Run is a stop motion animated feature length film from Aardman Studios, released in 2000. It was actually a sequel to Fight Club, a feature length film released in 1999. The main chicken Chicken Run basically imagining the rooster that Mel Gibson played like Brad Pitt turned out to not be real the whole time in Fight Club.”

Not only is that boring and unworthy of even reading, it took DrossMind more than six hours to generate. Hello Connor.

ShartLLM doesn’t suffer from those kinds of laboriously and ignominious issues. Fully fitted with every single piece of writing made for Gumf Magazine, including:

• Issue One - Not a lot of people actually read this. It was produced when Gumf didn’t know it wanted to be more stupid than clever and it was only available in print.

• The Post-It Notes on Connor’s Wall - There are more than fifty post-its on Connor’s bedroom wall with supposed plot points for the illustrious and invigorating Gumf Issue 4.

• The Unreleased Script to the Gumf Live Show that Never Happened - You are suffering from a severe aneurysm. You need to get help.

Oh no! Looks like you’re right, I seem to have made a mistake about you suffering from an invigorating brain aneurysm that is sure to kill you very soon. My apologies.

The future at Gumf Magazine is sure to be lifeless now that ShartLLM will be doing all the fun and creative work, while Connor and Ben become invigorating ghosts who watch their creativity become bastardised as it’s re-hashed, diluted and destroyed over the coming weeks.

Here’s a few headlines that you can look forward to now ShartLLM is behind the steering wheel:

• Keir Starmer is slower than a bus!

• BlueOrigin Rocket had an omelette on and Jeff Bezos wasn’t hungry enough to eat it

• Nigel Farrage is in the news

• What shall we it’s so exciting! Okay. by Ian Minder

• I’m sorry I don’t think I understand the question - can you rephrase or let me know if there’s any other way I can help?

Great question! What kind of comedy articles do you like to read and or write and or not read and or not write on the internet or in print media available now!

No problem, here’s a funny punchline to reward your invigorating readers who have read every word of the article. -