FEATURE ARTICLES
The Five Worst Woke Things by Tony The Tiler
Cereal mascot by day, painter-decorator by other days, Tony the Tiler tells all on exactly what’s wrong with the ‘woke’ movement.
Trump: I need the kind of generals Hitler had. Ones that try to kill me with an exploding briefcase.
Those who don't study history are doomed to repeat it, and because I'm a big dumbass I am doomed to repeat it.
Taylor Swift Ends Eras Tour to Run Lithium Mine
Swift announced she would be ending her globetrotting ‘Eras Tour’ to “Step away from music and focus on my lithium mining projects.”
Gallaghers Lost At Sea After Co-Op Arena Sinks During Maiden Voyage
“Birds and R-Kids first, d’ya know what I mean?” shouted the heroic Britpop rockers, whilst organising an evacuation of the arena’s aft boat deck. Survivors’ testimonies state that the band continued to play throughout the sinking, in order to maintain an atmosphere of stoic calm. Reports tell of a heartfelt rendition of Digsy’s Dinner providing the moving soundtrack to the vessel’s final moments.
Civic-Minded Terrorists Unveil UK’s First Ever Muslim No-Go Zone
After the civic-minded, shit-for-brains halfwits of Great Britain established the country’s first ever ‘No-Go Zones this weekend, we went along to ask them: what the fuck is this all about?
My Plan for Fighting Zombie King, by Keir Rondey Starmer
Parody: Keir Rondey Starmer tells all on his plans to thwart the zombie invasion
Gumf Chief, Raniel O'Day, to Star in I'm A Celeb
Gumf’s fearless and fear inspiring leader is headed down under!
Royal Cock Up! Nation Accidentally Corrugates King
We said, ‘coronation’ you dafties! Now he looks like a crinkle cut chip!
Queen's Second Husband, Paddington Bear, Found Dead
Prince Paddington Bear, Duke of Islington is dead.
Beggars Can't Be Choosers: Lee Cooper Is Our New Sponsor
Things go from bad to worse for Gumf when even Typhoo won’t sponsor them, but unfortunately Lee Cooper will.
National Gumf Day Celebrations Cut Short by Bomb Threats
Nationally celebrated Gumf Day is brought to an abrupt end this year due to bomb threats from Ian Hislop’s ‘Private Eye’ magazine.
‘Boris Johnson Said Something Bad’ and 3 Other Platitudes
Often in life we forget to take stock of the things we know to be true.
Crazy Frog Sectioned
Longstanding musical renegade, The Crazy Frog, has been submitted to a psychiatric intensive care unit.
Cadbury Removes All Mention Of Flying Ant Day From its Chocolate Eggs
Britain's best loved holiday, Flying Ant Day, gets another kicking from the corporate do-gooders.
Middle Eastern Jesus Refuses Prince Philip Entry to Heaven
Even though he’s only been dead for a matter of hours, His Royal Highness, the Duke of Edinburgh has already royally peeved the son of The Almighty.