Gumf Chief, Raniel O'Day, to Star in I'm A Celeb
In a last minute announcement that shocked the media, ITV has confirmed Gumf Editor in Chief, Raniel (Formerly Daniel) O’Day, will be making his jungle debut in this year’s ‘I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here!’
The former real estate mogul and longtime cursed marionette has said “Ratstards! All of them, but for me I get it - eats the bug. Childplay” when approached by Gumf Magazine to comment on his decision to appear on the show during a time of economic uncertainty for the Gumf company. “What they forget is this simple fact - I fucking hate everyone at that place.” He clarified in a text message to all staff at 23:50 on Saturday night.
The Gumf Company has faced severe economic downturn after a series of court cases, tax issues and strategic blunders led to the company relocating to the newly founded sovereign nation of Gumfatia (formerly Wollemshire County in North East Enlgand). While its 4000 employees battle with income instability and the looming threat of redundancy, their CEO and overlord will now be away from his post to drink kangaroo jizz in Australia.
The company of Gumf Holdings LLC was purchased by O’Day in the winter of 2022 when the rising Squarespace web-hosting costs of the business became insurmountable for founders Connor Fenton and Ben Cotton, who have since remained with the company as general dogsbodies. “Not much we can do about it, is there?” Cotton said on O’Day’s trip the jungle. “I can only really stress that this is a cursed animated puppet we’re talking about. He doesn’t operate within the same rules as you or I.”
Fans of reality TV will, no doubt, be thrilled to see O’Day return to our screens after his swift ejection from Big Brother this year. His quarrel with fellow housemate Noky sparked tabloid frenzy, with many citing his remark, “I thought your name was a pasta name, woman.” as both deeply ignorant and generally strange. O’Day’s intentions with these appearances are being called into question, as the £100,000 Big Brother cash prize would have hardly touched the sides of Gumf’s sky-rocketing debts.
At press time, Mr O’Day was seen wearing little red shorts, khaki top and a spoddish red waistcoat with his name on the back. Fans are warned to expect strong language throughout the series until the inevitable removal of the puppet. ITV producers have hinted at a thrilling first episode, seeing O’Day refuse to leave the helicopter and instead insist on landing it at the campsite himself.
If, for whatever reason, you’re interesting in learning more about this creepy businessman of a puppet, check out Gumf Issue. 3, in which he is mentioned more than 7500 times, along with C-3PO and Matt Hancock (remember him?). Buy it now for the low price of £3 or something like that!
