Royal Cock Up! Nation Accidentally Corrugates King
Well here’s one for the history books! Scattered reports from Buckingham are indicating a major mistake made by palace staff ahead of today’s royal celebration. Charles Rodney Asquith ‘Please Mummy’ Henry Windsor, AKA the soon to be king, has accidentally been corrugated in a case of tragic mishearing.
The earliest of these reports came from a member of the Footguards of the palace, who claimed to have seen Charles “Waddling from one end of the courtyard to the other at about 5am. Curlers in his hair, peel off face mask and dressing gown on. I couldn’t have been sure but it looked as though he had a series of alternating grooves and ridges across his body.” The guard, who wishes to remain anonymous, stated a number of unexpected work vehicles had arrived in the small hours of the morning, including one ‘Yarris Tin Corrugation Specialists’.
This is tragic timing ahead of today’s crowning of the king, a ceremony that is reported to cost the country around £125 million and all of its self respect. The lower class, non-landed citizenry of the United Kingdom are invited to join in such jollities as; Prostrating yourself before an old geezer, Swearing to do anything (including die) for an old geezer, Getting matching tattoos of an old geezer, and eat some quiche.
When approached by Gumf’s Royal Correspondent, Chutney Whimple, the head of the committee for planning the event, Ludwig Mindge told us “There is no situation at hand that we cannot resolve. It appears I may have had the wrong end of the stick as I do have trouble hearing and to be honest, am not quite sure what ‘Coronation’ means outside of the first word in a soap opera’s name.”
Social media is currently seeing a smattering of smartphone photography from London which appears to show Charles strapped to the roof of a Ford Transit. One such image included a good look at Charles’ now flatten sheetlike body and many ridges that make him more like a McCoy than a McKing.
In an attempt to salvage the remaining elements of the kingmaking ceremony, the palace has declared “All citizens who wish to be good little subject of his maj had best corrugate themself right quick so he thinks everyone’s doing it nowadays. You reckon he’ll be a kind leader if he feels like a divvy being the only corrugated sod up there? No chance. Turn yourself into a bit of tin pronto or the whole monarchy’s off!”
At press time, Google has reported staggering spikes in searches related to ‘Self Corrugation’ and ‘What does the monarchy actually do?’
