Katie Price Announces ‘Air Jordan’ Brand
Early 2000s page three girl, 2010s reality TV shambles and 2020s bad smell Katie Price has announced a new project. Speaking to viewers on Loose Women, she presented her latest endeavour, ‘Air Jordan’, a clothing and lifestyle brand named after her modeling pseudonym ‘Jordan.’
“We’re talking hi-top trainers, gymwear, fuck it, we’ll do a mug and all.” Price told panel member Janet Street-Porter. When asked where she found inspiration for the business and its distinct logo, she said “I suppose it was a eureka moment. I thought to myself ‘Eureka piss, go make a new brand.’”
Since making the announcement, AirJordan.com has seen a series of blackouts and maintenance periods due to excessive demand for Price’s products. Most notably, the wildly popular Air Jordan Black Tee that has found rampant popularity in the drill and grime communities of South London.
We had a bot get us a truckload of these shirts to hawk on our own merch site.
The Gumf Merch store has acquired a small consignment of these tees and hoodies by using a complex series of bots to automatically purchase any re-stocks. They are available to purchase until our merch store provider de-lists them for legal reasons.
Price’s public image has strengthened phenomenally in the wake of Air Jordan. Her ITVBe show ‘I Keep Wasting My Money And Not Working’ has seen its viewership triple in a matter of weeks. Stateside, the Air Jordan iconography has become a part of basketball related fashion with many supposedly mistaking it for a similar brand.
As a result, Katie Price has been signed by the Chicago Bulls for a 3-year contract totalling $730m. In her first appearance on the court in a Saturday game against the Miami Heat, Jordan was ejected for ‘unsportsmanlike conduct’ when her enormous bazongas knocked out Point Guard Tyler Herro.
The ensuing fracas ended with Price receiving a five game suspension when she spat at veteran referee Scott Foster and called him “a washed up crotch goblin.”
Peter Andre, Australian ex-boyfriend of Price said of her newfound success “It’s gone straight to her head. She used to be so normal, but this has made her all whacky and irregular.”
In an attempt to catch some similar success, he has announced that ‘Peter Andre 3000’ will be his new performing title. His latest single “G’day-ya” has not garnered commercial success, with one critic calling it “soul-curdling.”
