National Gumf Day Celebrations Cut Short by Bomb Threats

June 25th or ‘National Gumf Day’ as it is known to millions across the UK, is normally a day filled with games, music and festivals in celebration of ironic semi-regular digital zines. This year, however, sees festivities called to an abrupt end due to a series of widespread bomb threats called into several G Day celebrations around the country.

Though authorities are yet to confirm the source of these threats, many speculate Ian Hislop’s satirical magazine ‘Private Eye’ could be a likely culprit as a rivalry between the two publications has been escalating since Gumf’s founding (approximately 18 months ago). City-wide parades and large scale fairs have been cancelled in Milton Keynes, Birmingham, Glasgow and Belfast as well as smaller celebrations being drawn to an early close in response to the news.

The time honoured tradition of National Gumf Day has been a part of British life since Gumf Magazine first emerged in popular culture, quickly becoming a staple of the British summer calendar. Today it is sadly no more than a day like any other.

“We know there is one man to blame for this heinous suppression. If you do not know who I’m referring to, I’m sure you’ll all be able to see him on ‘Have I Got News For You’ sat across from Paul Merton this Friday.” - Mayor of Greater Manchester, Andy Burnham

After one of the largest G Day events, Greater Manchester’s Great Gumf Parade, was called off only two hours before it was planned to begin, Mayor Andy Burnham broke the news in a public announcement.

“Today, we are forced to be quiet and hide our adoration for Gumf Magazine, something I understand none of us wish to hide at all. Though it may not be confirmed, we know there is one man to blame for this heinous suppression. If you do not know who I’m referring to, I’m sure you’ll all be able to see him on ‘Have I Got News For You’ sat across from Paul Merton this Friday.” 

When asked for a comment on the matter, Ian Hislop stated he was “Too busy writing funny captions to go under illustrations of the shadow cabinet at the beach.”

As expected, the news of National Gumf Day’s cancellation was a huge disappointment to children more than anyone else, with many of the fairground games synonymous with Gumf Day going unplayed today. Mobile phone footage of a cancelled Gumf Day fete in the village of Wingsborough near Kent saw children screaming in unison “Let us play Pin the G on the Gumfey, we want to play Pin The G on the Gumfey!”

With bomb squads attending to the last of the the day’s threats, we can thankfully confirm there were no injuries. Since no explosives have been recovered from the reported sites, this has been confirmed as a hoax, and a cruel one at that.

Ultimately, the Gumf Day spirit has survived through the traditional Gumf Day street party. Social media has been inundated with pictures of long tables in the middle of terraced housed streets and countless happy faces celebrating G Day.

In spite of the troublesome circumstances, please accept our humble falicitations for this National Gumf Day!