Queen's Second Husband, Paddington Bear, Found Dead
The country’s loss does not cease to mount as beloved Prince Paddington Bear, Duke of Islington has died just days after his wife, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.
Paddington and Halliwell at the 2000 BRIT Awards
The sixty-three year old spectacled bear passed away peacefully in bed, surrounded by his closest family including Hugh Bonneville, Sally Hawkins and step-sons King Charles III and Prince Andrew, Duke of York. Although an official coroner's report is yet to be released, Bear’s health had markedly deteriorated in recent months, seeing him absent from many of his royal duties.
An Immigrant Who Became Prince
Born in Darkest Peru in 1958, a child of two literal bears, Paddington saw a far larger future for himself. Travelling to London via hot air balloon at the age of 16, he found fame and fortune in the West End as a member of the ensemble for Les Miserables, Shrek The Musical and Kinky Boots, among many others. Throughout this time, Paddington wrote a number of children’s books based upon his adventures in the capital, centring on the family he had been adopted by despite being an adult.
In 2003, he married former Spice Girl, Geri Halliwell and soon found himself at the centre of countless drink driving and workplace harassment scandals that saw his theatrical and writing career seemingly come to an end.
After his divorce in 2009, Paddington spent some years building his public image, appearing in a video for Children in Need that depicted him mud wrestling his father-in-law, Pudsey Bear.
Prince Paddington at The Queen’s side in 2021’s Christmas broadcast
An Unlikely Friend
After the tragic loss of Prince Phillip in April 2021, both the Queen and her loyal subjects felt a huge part of their lives to be missing. Meeting at a charity dinner during a visit to Bear’s native home of Darkest Peru, Prince Paddington was a comforting shoulder for Her Majesty to cry on, and soon became a caring companion.
Marrying in October 2021, Paddington and The Queen’s wedding marked the first instance of remarriage with a royal incumbent since Henry VIII. Initial tabloid opinion was that Paddington (thirty-three years younger than Elizabeth) was ‘gold digging’ her majesty, looking to secure an inheritance toward the end of her life. This was soon disregarded after Bear accompanied The Queen on her Christmas Day speech in 2021, where the nation fell in love with the newest royal couple.
During the Platinum Jubilee celebrations, Prince Paddington and Queen Elizabeth cemented their presence as cutest royals when they shared the screen in an awkward two minute sketch.
Dying days before Her Majesty’s funeral, plans are in place for Paddington to be interred in a tomb shared with The Queen and her first husband. Paddington leaves behind a wealth of taxpayer’s cash and a number of lizards. Fortunately, a bunch of absurd people have already left marmalade sandwiches and Paddington toys at The Queen’s memorials across the nation, removing the need for any more tat to be added after the prince’s death.
Suicide Suspicions
With The Queen and Prince Paddington being so deeply close to one another, it is understandable that some individuals suspect suicide to be the cause of Paddington’s passing. Buckingham Palace have already released a statement to confirm that there is no indication of foul play or self-murder. Others speculate that Paddington’s alleged history of drug abuse could be to blame, with rumours claiming Prince Paddington suffered with cocaine and heroin addiction after the rampant success of his 2014 self-titled film. Until an official autopsy is complete, this is yet to be confirmed.
A queue stretching from St. Paul’s Cathedral, London to Preston’s Bus Station has been formed for freaks looking to stare at the body of the bear that they never met.
