‘Boris Johnson Said Something Bad’ and 3 Other Platitudes

Life is full of surprises, but moreso, it is full of incredibly obvious, run of the mill information that comes as no surprise at all. It’s easy to take for granted just how confident we are in our understanding of the universe is so many regards. Water is wet, the sky is up, grass is green and The Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Boris Johnson has said something bad.

Here is a list of four things we can be sure are true and we don’t need to repeat in the news cycle every six months like it will make any difference to the feckless pricks who vote Conservative.

This Too Shall Pass

Generally speaking, nothing lasts forever. Even the radioactive fallout of the Chernobyl reactor has a half life of 30 years, so even the deadly exclusion zone shall pass after a quick 20,000 years. I dare you right now to think of something that shall not pass. You can’t can you? That’s because everything, much like ‘this’, shall pass.

It Is What It Is

As far as logically redundant sentences go, this is easily the most effective in recognising what ‘it’ is, by identifying it appropriately as ‘it’ and describing it as ‘it’. One of the more versatile platitudes, you could apply this sentence to any topic without being incorrect. David Attenborough could say “It is what it is” in every description during his Planet Earth documentary and he wouldn’t be lying. It is what it is.

It Could Be Worse

Due to the extensive range of human imagination, there truly is no limit to how bad we can predict things could be. Car broke down? You could be getting done in by a wolf. Lost your job? You could be getting done in by a wolf. Getting done in by a wolf? You could be getting done in by two wolves. It isn’t difficult to see that things could always be worse. All it takes is a little wolf.

Boris Johnson Said Something Bad

If there’s one thing we have learned from our exploration of platitudes, it’s that we should not expect to have our socks knocked off from them and we certainly shouldn’t expect the unexpected (that’s a platitude in and of itself). That’s what makes ‘Boris Johnson said something bad’ so confusing, because it appears to be plastered all over the headlines three times a year, as if we didn’t already know it to be self evident.

Whether he insisted on letting all of us ‘pile high’ so he could keep Wetherspoons open, or whether we literally proved that he was trying to sell the NHS from under us, it should not and does not ever come as a shock that Boris Johnson said something bad. It has been proven that to no extent will these facts ever alter the public opinion of Johnson. The guy could march out of Downing Street reading an extensive list of all the working class goobers he’s going to give a wedgie to and there would still be a voting majority saying “He’s trying his best. He looks so tired! Don’t politicise the wedgies!”

But still, it is what it is, this too shall pass and it could always be worse. Like getting done in by a wolf.