Cadbury Removes All Mention Of Flying Ant Day From its Chocolate Eggs

God-fearing zealots nationwide have condemned Cadbury for its controversial decision to remove all mention of Flying Ant Day from its Flying Ant Day chocolate egg packaging, amid calls to make the event more inclusive of a pan-religious and secular audience.

Responding to intense criticism from various religious pressure groups, Cadbury’s CEO, Mr Edward Slinch claimed that the decision had been undertaken to make the Birmingham-based confectioner’s traditional Flying Ant Day more palatable to a diverse 21st Century consumer base.

“Nobody at Cadbury wants to tarnish Britain’s favourite public holiday, Flying Ant Day. Cadbury remains steadfastly in support of the day in which all the ants just decide to flap about a bit, and we’re proud of our history which is inextricably intertwined with the event,” said the 54-year-old chocolatey bloke, addressing journalists from his giant gingerbread house in Cambridge.

“But times change, and we want everyone, no matter their beliefs, their background, to be able to join in the celebration of airborne ants.”

Critics of Cadbury and Mr Slinch had a right nark-on over it, and were, by all accounts, absolutely fucking livid about the whole affair. Notable campaign group, Devout Mothers and Bikers For Flying Ants, flocked to the streets of Bourneville to make their displeasure known. Mrs Toni Grape, of Reading, called the stunt “a short-sighted and basically fucking shit rebranding,” and said that ecclesiastical matriarchal figures and their comrades, the bikers, would hit the company in its pockets.

“We can confirm that children will still be able to kiss the flying ants.”

Theresa May, no longer the Prime Minister, but clearly deciding to get stuck into the bickering anyway, called the move “completely ridiculous.” The MP for Maidenhead took shots at the “do-gooders” who she said wanted “to destroy the country’s sacred relationship with ants who sprout wings and spend an entire day soaring around.”

Since 2010, Cadbury has operated events in which children can explore various National Trust properties, to search for flying ants and stroke their soft wings. Until 2019 (and skipping 2020 when the flying ants were all quarantined following air travel) the marketing for such events heavily featured ‘Flying Ant Day’, but has been toned down for this year’s event.

“We’re proud to introduce some much needed secularity to Flying Ant Day,” continued Mr Slinch. “We love the flying ants as much as we ever have, but felt compelled to change our messaging slightly. We’ll no longer be using the Flying Ant Day name explicitly, but our events will feature all the familiar anty action that we know and love. We can confirm that children will still be able to kiss the flying ants.”

When pressed for comment, Brad Pitt responded “I couldn’t give a flying ant about this whole affair. I’m a movie star hunk, and I don’t have time to think about ants, never mind Theresa May!” which seems fair enough, really.

If anything, Flying Ant Day has become increasingly commercialised over recent years, and the true religious meaning is getting lost in eggs.