Gumf Magazine Movie Wins Big At Oscars
California, USA
The stars took to the red carpet on Sunday evening, with Hollywood’s finest appearing at the Dolby Theatre for the 97th Academy Awards.
For the first time, Gumf Magazine co-founders Connor Fenton and Ben Cotton brushed shoulders with cinema royalty.
The two ‘comedy’ writers were nominated for a number of awards including Best Original Screenplay and Best Supporting Actor in their first feature length release, ‘Somewhy We Write It: The Gumf Magazine Movie.’
This award show marks the end of a successful season for the duo who hail from Stoke on Trent (technically Newcastle under Lyme, but who’s saying that).
The Baftas and Emmy’s saw them take home a number of accolades which shocked many cultural pundits.
“It’s a story about perseverance, at the end of the day.” Cotton said to reporters on the red carpet “Perseverance and a real lack of self awareness.”
‘Somewhy We Write It’ is a heartfelt, semi-biographical piece that follows the trials and tribulations of Fenton and Cotton as they attempt to build a media empire. The film has garnered a cult following online, despite nobody knowing what Gumf Magazine is.
“Obviously, it’s not entirely based in fact.” Fenton added, “I don’t live with my dad in the film like I do in real life. The bit about me having severe IBS is bang on, though. I would say my bowels are one of the biggest antagonists in my life and in the movie.”
Absent from the ceremony was billionaire Gumf Magazine CEO and cursed marionette, Raniel O’Day, who was reportedly in Mar-A-Lago discussing a position as Head of Propaganda with President Dognald Trumo.
“I’m sure he would have loved to be here,” Cotton told us “he loves cinemas. Not so much films, but anywhere that has popcorn in Deadpool shaped buckets, he’s all over that.”
The Awards
Fenton and Cotton take the internet by storm by posing with Hollywood’s elite and disgraced sexual assaulter, Kevin Spacey
With more than twelve nominations to contend for, Gumf Magazine walked away with a handful of wins.
Most notable was their success in the Best Picture category, shocking bookies' predictions for something called ‘Anora’ to take home the award.
Adrien Brody and Timothee Chalamet were seen graciously accepting defeat while Ben Cotton’s name was read out as the winner of the Best Actor category.
In his acceptance speech, Cotton exclaimed “Has anyone noticed Will Smith’s mrs is bald?!” before sprinting away from the podium in fear while Smith followed in hot pursuit.
When Cotton returned to his seat for the announcement of the Best Director award, his ass appeared to have been kicked into his balls.
Accepting the award for Best Editing, Fenton told the audience “We made this movie for two reasons. I needed something to justify my film degree and we both needed a reason to keep paying for Adobe Creative Cloud.”
The pair did not see success in the ‘Best Original Score’ category, with many critics calling it “Too ballsy” that the film’s entire musical accompaniment was an audio recording of Fenton hamboning for 90 minutes.
In their acceptance speech for Best Picture, Cotton and Fenton took the opportunity to promote their semi-regular variety podcast, Gumf Audio One-Offs which earned a tired groan from the crowd.
As a result, the podcast’s listenership tripled to three overnight.
Talks of a Sequel?
After the rampant critical and financial success of the film, rumours are already circulating for the possibility of a follow up.
“Nothing is too good to be ruined by a sequel,” Justin Mabumol of Grey Day Pictures told the press at an afterparty “We loved making this film with Connor and Ben. They’re good kids. They’re desperate, which is how we like them in Hollywood. We definitely see a sequel in their future.”
Gumf Magazine fan sites are already aflutter with theories and speculation about the questions the film left unanswered.
“Connor didn’t use the Plasmatrix in the antechamber. It looks like he did, but it was actually an illusion caused by Ben’s optogen - THAT MEANS THE PLASMATRIX IS STILL UNOPENED!” One Reddit user writes.
“You clearly didn’t read the comics. The only way the Plasmatrix would go unused is if Raniel was actually multiverse Raniel No.67b - which would be IMPOSSIBLE!” Another replied.
When Fenton was probed for a response about the potential for a franchise, he told us “I just remembered I really, really don’t like films.”
